The Ganja Monologues

Ever heard of The Marijuana-Logues?

From Wikipedia;

The Marijuana-Logues is an Off-Broadway comedy show in New York City. Arj Barker, Doug Benson and Tony Camin are the creators and performers. It is a four man stand-up comedy show, with the majority of the humor centered around the drug marijuana. The show’s title is a play on the long-running Broadway show The Vagina Monologues. The show began its run in March 2004. There is also an original cast recording released in 2004 by Comedy Central, and a book.

Basically, Tony Camin, Arj Barker, and Doug Benson did a great show all about pot. My favorite skits are ‘Ah, Marijuana’, ‘Hemp Clothing’ and ‘Letter to a Brand New Bag’. It’s an interesting look on the marijuana culture from those who live in it daily. I highly recommend it.

Anyway, since the topic of marijuana is so vast, there are many topics that the trio didn’t cover. Not to fault them… I mean, you can BS for hours about weed and modern audiences will only put up with so much after the ganja wears off. So, I shall pick up their torch! I shall humor and educate the masses! I shall smoke weed and write about it! and I shall call it…

The Ganja Monologues!

(It’s not copy-right infringement if I use a completely different name! I don’t think… where’s my lawyer…)

Anyway, look for posts from The Ganja Monologues in the near future. I look forward to sharing them.

-This article was written by a joker, a smoker, and a midnight toker. But you knew that already.


Spit on a Cancer Patient

The Springfield, MO City Council (figuratively) spit in the face of cancer patients and those with painful terminal illnesses Monday, when they voted 6-2 to not even consider recommending to the State of Missouri that they should take up the issue of Medical Marijuana.  They are obviously not feeling anyone’s pain.

I think the vote should be conducted like this:

Have a dying cancer patient sit in a chair in front of the chamber.  If you vote yes to the measure, go hand the cancer patient a flower.  If you vote no to the measure, go spit in the cancer patient’s face.  Of course, for political reasons, a photographer should have to record the vote for upcoming election time.

Spineless bitches!!!


Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Yes, the debate over DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell) is going strong. People seem to really care about whether or not gays serve openly in the military. For the record, I am on the proponent side of repealing DADT.

Here’s my idea to make everyone happy. THIS IS PARODY AND NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE. I am pro gay rights and do my part as a straight ally. Please, don’t hate me…

So, what we need to do is repeal DADT. I find it offensive that people can’t be who they are in an army that touts ‘Being all you can be’. But, on the other side, I totally see the bigots being bothered having to fight next to ‘a queer’. This could damage unit cohesion and our chances of winning any military skirmish. So,

I propose that we allow gays to serve openly. But, we ship them all off to the Navy and give them their own ships. Then, they act as ‘privateers’ for the USA. Ya know, government sponsored pirates. We totally break them off of the chain of command, let them go out as privateers and kick some ass.

Not one of the bigots could complain, and the homosexuals can all kick ass and show that they rock as hard as a straight. They could be our ‘Ass Pirates’. (You knew I was going there…)

What to do with all the lesbians serving in our armed forces? I dunno…

Carpet bombing?


OGPT always remembers to double tap. Check out his other work here. We really don’t recomend it…


Where’s The Tea Party

Did you know that a ‘Tea Party’ in the ’20s was a stoner smoke out? Google it…

As others have pointed out, the so called ‘Tea Party’ divided about legalization. And  I feel that that’s crap.

Tea Partiers are notoriously pissed about government spending, the ballooning national debt, and the economy. All things that the legalization of cannabis could ease. As I’ve already pointed out we spend a lot combating a non existent problem. We also could create jobs and use the taxes to pay down the debt if, no, when legalization comes to pass.

Let’s start with earmarks versus the money wasted on the drug war. The Tea Party is pissed about earmarks. Earmarks, for those of you who don’t know political lingo, are funds delegated towards a specific project. Such as earmarks to build the infamous ‘Bridge To Nowhere’. Or earmarks for a new hydroelectric dam in Nevada. Whatever the use, earmarks are just 1% of our national budget. True, 1% of trillions is still muchos dinero, but when it compares to the failed drug war, it’s small potatoes. We waste billions on prohibition of drugs, namely marijuana.

Strangely, the tea partiers aren’t so pissed off about that. No, it’s Obamacare that will kill us, they say. Or, ‘Cap and trade will kill jobs!’ For a group modeled on non-spending, they sure are quiet about the drug war. They don’t seem to give a damn about the billions wasted to lock up citizens, (who then have a harder time finding work since they’re now felons thus depleting our taxable incomes) but they’re up in arms about the national debt and calling for the end of all unnecessary programs… Except the drug war.

Next, we have the values thing. For a group that says they protest the nanny state and value personal freedom they sure a hypocrites. The prohibition of marijuana is the single biggest violation of our rights as Americans. It is the largest example of government heavy handedness. It is the best example for the wasting of taxpayer dollars on taking our rights. And yet,  these freedom loving people think that ending the drug war is a waste of time and resources? I say what the bollocks?

As for the economy, that’s a no brainer. When we (nationally) legalize a whole new industry will bust wide open. I’m talking about all stages of the job market. Retail establishments, delivery drivers, security guards, bookkeepers, all the way down to janitors to clean the new pot shops. The Tea Party is all about small business and legalization would create a market for small businesses, much like prohibition does already today. All we would be doing is legitimizing the industry by allowing it to be regulated. And taxed. Which in turn could be used to pay down the national debt. Wash, rinse, repeat.

So, based on this argument it leads me to wonder; where’s the  Tea Party? Former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson is said to be a Tea Party favorite who’s rumored to be planning a presidential run. Another Tea Party favorite, Governor Christie of New Jersey, is another potential presidential candidate who is also a Tea Party Favorite. He’s also the one who pushed harsh restrictions on NJ’s burgeoning MMJ program. Sarah Palin, the Tea Party queen,is a fan of prioritizing law enforcement, but continuing keeping it criminal. Basically, the Tea Party just doesn’t see legalization as a viable concern.

To this I say; why not?


OGPT strongly feels that the moral decay of the very fabric of society is inevitable… And yet he doesn’t care. read more of his work here.


Home of Schwagstock To Be Seized By DEA

Read this and contemplate American Jackbooted Thuggery.

It seems Camp Zoe, home of Schwagstock (a local music festival) is caught in the government’s crosshairs. Owned and operated by Jimmy Tebeau of local Grateful Dead tribute band, The Schwag, Camp Zoe is a gathering place for my type of people. Hippies, Pagans, societal outcasts all call Camp Zoe their home away from home. Besides hosting Schwagstock, Camp Zoe also hosts other gatherings such as Pagan Spirit Gathering, the Bluegrass Jam, Biker rallies and Gateway Burners, which, from what I gather, is our local burning man. (Damn, too bad they’re trying to get this place. Sounds like fun…) Anyway, in a joint venture between The DEA (Boo!), US Attorney’s Office, and Missouri State Highway Patrol, they are trying to legally seize Camp Zoe.

Using a technique called asset forfeiture, which is defined by the DOJ as: “To enhances public safety and security,” by “removing the proceeds of crime and other assets relied upon by criminals and their associates to perpetuate their criminal activity against our society.” And of course, the crime in question was drug use and sales. From TheRiverfront Times:According to a complaint filed November 8 in Eastern Missouri District Court, “over the past several years law enforcement agents have specifically observed the open sales of cocaine, marijuana, LSD (acid), ecstasy, psilocybin mushrooms, opium and marijuana-laced food products by individuals attending the music festival and made multiple undercover purchases of illegal drugs.” So now ‘The Man’ is gonna take the hippie camp.

Did I mention that Mr. Tebeau was not charged with any crime? That’s right, no charges. However, under the asset forfeiture clause (Law? Loophole?) that doesn’t matter. Because, by removing the place, the crimes committed there will cease. Doesn’t even matter that this is private property. The cops want it and they’ll probably get it.

And it’s ridiculous. The police want to get Camp Zoe to sell it to the highest bidder. Then they’ll use the proceeds to bust more pot smokers. Is this justice? How is the morally justifiable? How much did the police spend during their ongoing (4 years) investigation?

Not to mention the fact that seizing Camp Zoe won’t stop any drug trade. There’s always another field, another hippie who got his stuff together enough to buy a farm. (Or rent one. There’s always another concert, drum circle, patchoulli trade show. Hippies have been around since the 60s and, like potheads, aren’t going away anytime soon. We will just find other places to go.

This is yet another reason why I advocate for the legalization of marijuana. People have had property taken by the government without even being charged with a crime to fund our drug war against other law abiding citizens. Not to mention the people who have been incarcerated, killed, lost their kids and jobs, and all the other victims of the drug war. Usage is up. The drug war has failed. Our very freedom is at stake.

It’s time to get pissed. It’s time to get active.

First the came for the Communist, but I wasn’t a
Communist so I didn’t speak up…

Think about it.


OGPT is mildly irritated about extreme anger. And really pissed about everything.


Prohibition+Economics=Expensive Natural Medicine

Partnership for a Thug Free America

Ironically, he's in a wheelchair because the cop already caught him with a bong...

Ya know what I hate? You know what really grinds my gears? The fact that because of prohibition, marijuana is expensive. No big deal when we’re talkin’ recreational use; yeah, it cost a bit to get high on some decent weed. But when it comes to medical use…

Many smokers are medical users. Both legally and illegally. I’ve known patients with Crohn’s and Fibromyalgia who use it illicitly to combat pain. I know of people who used cannabis to be able to eat through chemo and The Big C. I know people who smoke marijuana as a viable alternative to antidepressants and mood drugs. In many cases, cannabis has the exact same effects with half the risk.

So, please tell me why it costs anywhere between $300 to $500 for an ounce of a weed? First off, cannabis is a weed. It grows everywhere, with no real effort. Of course to grow medicinal grade marijuana it takes skill, talent, and effort, but enough to justify that high price tag? I thought one of the mNy goals of out movement was to allow the sick safe access to their meds and not at a high mark up. That’s what Big Pharma does. We’re not Big Pharma, so what gives?Thug Free

Prohibition, that’s what. When you are risking your very freedom in a business venture, you get to make a tidy profit. I think we can all get behind that. Gotta be compensated for the risk factor.

However, if the risk factor isn’t there, people wouldn’t condone or continue paying those prices. Those that can would grow, and under cut those who’d still charge exorbitantly for medicine. It the basic principle of a free market. In a competitive economy model, those wose production costs are low should (theoretically) undercut their competition for a bigger percentage of the market share. It’s the one of the many facets of running a competitive business.

And even if people did charge the same high prices, why would you buy it? Its the same flaw with the argument against legalization. If Phillip Morris starts cranking out shwaggy, addidtive laced cheap joints, who would buy ‘em? Most people would take the opportunity to start to grow their own. After all, it is a weed.

On this same subject, I feel that marijuana should not only be legal for patients, it should also be covered under insurance. Why not? The insurance companies wouldn’t have to shell out big bucks for pharmaceuticals. He’ll, just give me a one time rebate of $500 to set up my op, and I’ll only use insurance for my doctor visits. I’d much rather use a natural substance anyway. (Not to mention that I went five years of my adult life without insurance… but with lots of cannabis!)

People have speculated that cannabis prices would drop in the event of full legalization. Even with a $50 excise tax per ounce, it’s still cheaper than paying street prices. So, legal weed would be cheaper, taxes would be collected, and the whole thing should be picked up by Humana.

In a perfect world.


OGPT; Coming to a theater near you!


Letter to Marc

My Letter to Marc

Dude. Yeah, this is totally going to be written in ‘stoner speak’. Anyway, pretty shysty how my government did ya, man. As a responsible American, let me assure you that I feel ashamed for how my government handled your case. There is no justice in America, brother. Not unless you’re willing to pay for it.

As we all know, your real crime wasn’t narcotics trafficking; no, it was the fact that you are sensible and vocal. Not only that, you were willing to help further the cause financially. That, my Canadian Brother from another mother, was your true ‘crime’.

I’d like to tell you about what I’m doing to help end this ridiculousness that is prohibition. First off, I helped out in the founding of our local NORML chapter (JoCoNORML) and now serve on the board of directors as Deputy Director. We became nationally certified on the 18th of September and are trying our best to spread the growing truth about cannabis. We participate in all of our local events including the Marijuana March, Hempfest, and various regional events. Secondly, I’m very vocal in my everyday life about my use and legalization in general. My family is on our side as are most of my co-workers. I even engage random people on the street. I also run a pro-pot blog titled ‘The Practical Toker’ as well as administrate and write for the collaborative blog of my local canna-community, ‘The Practical Tokers‘. I also moderate the 1,000,000 Strong For Medical Marijuana page on Facebook. We currently have over 12,000 members of that page. So, yeah. I’m trying to do my part.

I take great inspiration from you, Marc. You bucked the system and gladly took the fall for your homies. That, is gangster.  To me, you are a hero. You know the truth and sacrificed your own freedom to help make a point. Sir, mad props are due to you.

The whole community is thinking of your, Marc. We all are trying to emphasize with our crown prince. Our love and thanks goes to Jodie for keeping us informed of your plight. We all are appreciative of what you both do.

In the words of Tupac Shakur, “Keep ya head up.”

In Spirit,


OGPT saw the sign and it opened up his eyes. You can see the sign as well as his crazed ramblings here!


Is Marijuana Dangerous versus Does Marijuana Make You Act Funny

TOBACCO …………………… 400,000
ALCOHOL …………………… 100,000
ALL LEGAL DRUGS ………….20,000
CAFFEINE …………………….2,000
ASPIRIN ………………………500
MARIJUANA …………………. 0
United States National Institute on Drug Abuse, Bureau of Mortality Statistics

And That is all I have got to say about that.

Now as to whether or not marijuana makes you act funny:

I heard in the 70′s that there were satanic messages recorded backwards in my Led Zeppelin albums.  So I sat down with a record player and tried to listen to them (not because I wanted Satan’s influence, but because surely they were not there).  After repeated tries to hear the words “Oh, here’s to my sweet Satan.  The one whose little path would make me sad.”  all I could here was “Schwarn Thogg Darino Al Crinig Oh” which I understood to mean, and this is a loose translation:  “All this back masking shit is bullshit!”  I was sure that the friends who told me about it were trying to screw with me.

I started looking at articles in magazines and even in Rolling Stone and found that these people making the accusations were generally religious, church going people.  One would not think that these people were using marijuana, but there they were playing our albums backwards and trying to discern a message in English.   Now if this is how non-stoned people behave and you ask me does marijuana make you act funny?  I think I’d have to say… No funnier than non-marijuana users.

Legalize marijuana, empty our prisons, balance our budget, usher in a new era of peace and prosperity.

Rock the Vote.

-That’s Just, Like, Your Opinion, Man-

To read more of Opinion Man’s work, check out his blog!


Does Pot Make You Unproductive or Does Prohibition?

While reading an article in the Columbia Tribune, I felt compelled to post in the comments. Some guy pointed out that potheads are lazy. I found that a little offensive, because as I see it…

(My reply; in full)

The problem isn’t that potheads are inactive. In my experience, I find the opposite to be true. Hear me out….

If you were a hardworking person who has dedication and drive, you probably have a job. Depending on your levels of dedication, you might have a pretty damn good job. You might be a lawyer, a computer programmer, or say, an Olympic gold medalist. Chances are, you’re doing something to afford some kind bud.

Now, if you managed to achieve that desired result of being a productive member of society, you’d have quite a bit to lose if it ever came out that you smoke marijuana. As so many people have pointed out, marijuana is still (unjustly) illegal. So to admit you smoke pot is to admit to being a criminal. So, one day you want to ‘come out of the closet’ and make your illicit habit public knowledge.

Suddenly, the police are pulling you over. The local CPS are investigating you. You might lose your job, or even your house. Suddenly, your pot smoking destroys everything you hold dear…

Unless you keep it secret. All of the highly functioning consumers I know are daily smokers. Many hold down two jobs. Some even have really important jobs. And each one of them stands to lose everything if they were to admit that they smoked pot.

My point is this. There are productive pot smokers out there; they just keep their habits under wraps. The ones who don’t are the ones who already are unlikely to hold down jobs, be productive members of the society, etc. The pot is just the icing on the cake.

Legalization is the answer to this dilemma. When people are no longer afraid to be persecuted for making a safer choice than alcohol (85K deaths in 2000),and cigarettes(435K deaths in 2000), then we will see the productive cannabis consumers come out of the woodwork. Many are doing so now as legalization becomes a mainstream issue (which we did with Prop 19).

Lazy people are just lazy. Weed didn’t make ‘em that way; they were like that when pot got there.


OGPT once had a lovely bunch of coconuts. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head…


By Any Means (Video)

Contributor MindCrimesInc put together and produced this video awhile ago.  It still speaks volumes to me to this day.  It’s not about black or white, communist or democratic. It’s about having the balls to do what you need to do to force change. By any means….

Check it out.